i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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