maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
