Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Can vaginas get frostbite?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
