You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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