I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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