My underwear smells like fireworks.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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