Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
