dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
