Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
