Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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