It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
