WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
