But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
this beer tastes like vomit already
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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