Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
