somebody snuck up and got me drunk
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
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