i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
