apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
