I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
