Only a mothe r could love this liver
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
