I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
