I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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