I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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