I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
