Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He better not be in your backpack
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
