The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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