Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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