yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
