the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
