Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
