I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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