He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
