I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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