nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
