That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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