I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
