it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
