then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
