I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
