i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
