I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
