No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's rum buckets o'clock
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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