Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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