I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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