Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I touched a dick in church today
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
