He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I fill condoms, not promises.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
