your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
