Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
