she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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