Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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