I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
