i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
