guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
