I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
