I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
