Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
