your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
