That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
