Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
