Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The adults are the big ones right?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
