Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Couch. On fire.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize