Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
