Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
