If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it was like eating out sand paper
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
