4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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