My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
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I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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