Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
