I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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