if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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