i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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