wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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