Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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