Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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