never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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