I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
