remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
