Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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