Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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